Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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