dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
