I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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