If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
