Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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