it wasn't lemon gatorade
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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