Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
