I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
