So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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