Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
