There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
handjob tips. give me some.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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