i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
