I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
