at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
