we're chasing vodka with high fives
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
