i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
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My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
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And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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