glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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