absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
