So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
