So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
