Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
