Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
