If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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