I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
