While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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