Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Randomize
