The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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