I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
