I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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