I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
