That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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