I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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