I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
