butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
