he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
