as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
