the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
it hurts more in the daytime
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
