Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This is my gift to your gina
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
