I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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