I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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