dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
