what day is it and did you see me today?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
