Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
