So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
