you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
