Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
