Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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