that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
