Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
