The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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