Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
