we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
