So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
