yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
