I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
