So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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