So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
