i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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