yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
