I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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