think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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