We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
