Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize