i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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