cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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