well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
