Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
