you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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