i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
