I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
