I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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