i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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