My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
