Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
