i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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