k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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