He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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