Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
