I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
