bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
