I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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